she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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