I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
