After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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