Apparently you make a good broom.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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