I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
