i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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