i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
