I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
