God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
