hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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