Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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