She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
