My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
