guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm passing your future prison.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
