My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize