okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
