I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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