Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
