How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
