Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
