You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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