I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
