Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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