You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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