it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I look better un-naked...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
