She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize