Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
