come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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