I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
