Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
