I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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