hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
