I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
