bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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