I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I smell stomach acid.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
