I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
