Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
