I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
