yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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