the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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