Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
