She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
