my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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