so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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