Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
