haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
