I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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