it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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