what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you traded sex for a burrito?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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