No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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