He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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