If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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