do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
