Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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