I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize