i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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