CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
