How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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