hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
