peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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