But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
