After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
