You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
