im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
