The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
