ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
