Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
