I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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