He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
