is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
