I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
