i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
