So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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