idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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