you would pick up someone in the library
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
