How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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